Bull makes case for ‘precious china’

A bull has called on its fellow cattle to continue “loudly and clearly” putting the case for the “precious unity” of a shop full of china into which they will imminently charge. ‘Look at this lovely shop full of china,’ the bull told a conference of cows in Glasgow. ‘Isn’t it pretty? We must keep... Continue Reading →

Wrong campaign named as EU referendum winner

In an embarrassing mix-up, the Electoral Commission has confirmed that Remain actually won the EU referendum after the wrong name was announced on the night. Jenny Watson, chief counting officer for the referendum, admitted the error in the early hours of this morning and attributed it to being given the wrong envelope on the night... Continue Reading →

Hope fading fast for Mexican wall-building industry

Despair has gripped the people of Mexico after opinion poll results in the United States suggested that hundreds of thousands of the nation's builders won't soon be offered a series of lucrative government wall-building contracts after all. "Yet again, small businesses have been hung out to dry by the Establishment," complained Enrique Arramos, 42, from... Continue Reading →

Princess Charlotte sets out Brexit strategy

Prime minister Theresa May has welcomed news from Canada that Princess Charlotte has finally said her first words, setting out a Brexit strategy for the government to adopt. 'Mamma,' Princess Charlotte told adoring crowds during a playdate in Calgary while touring Canada with her parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. 'Mamma.' Visibly enthused the overjoyed... Continue Reading →

Hillary Clinton still favourite to present QI

US presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton remains the overwhelming favourite to win the race to succeed Stephen Fry as presenter of QI, after a sometimes stormy election debate in Chicago last night. Mrs Clinton appeared on stage alongside her rivals, socialist Bernie Sanders, former Idaho governor Lincoln Chafee, Jack Dee, David Mitchell and Nicholas Parsons. None... Continue Reading →

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