“I am sorry that, by breaking into the china shop and thrashing around like an insane bronco, I seem to have inadvertently smashed thousands of valuable antique council seats to smithereens,” said the bull. “I shouldn’t have done it the night before everybody was coming to look at the china to see if it was any good.”
The bull also apologised for wearing an oversized snout-ring with the legend ‘four legs good, two legs bad’ at a meeting with the farmer. “In retrospect, this did look like the vindictive action of a bitter, snorting old cow,” the bull admitted. “But I just got carried away among all the other cattle, who were rolling their eyes, foaming at the mouth and leaving shit everywhere. I should have realised that it was just a quick bout of swine flu and that no real harm was being done.”
The bull brandished a cheque to pay for the damage in front of television cameras, but sources at the farmhouse say there’s no hope and the farmer still wants the beast put down at the earliest opportunity.