England badminton team quit World Championships after ‘plausible threat of trouncing’

The England badminton team have pulled out of the sport’s World Championships in India after terrorists warned that the team could be “trounced” at any moment.

The Indian authorities were “unsympathetic” to the England team’s plight and refused to provide sufficient security against the possibility of getting thrashed, England player Nathan Robertson said. “We received a coded warning that our team could find themselves soundly beaten by any one of forty other national sides,” he told reporters. “We’ve seen it happen to our colleagues in other sports and we’re not prepared to take the same risk of humiliation ourselves.”

The crisis comes just days after a guerilla assault on the England cricket team by violent Australian fundamentalists, who ambushed the team on the pitch at Headingley and left them crippled and pathetic. The team is not expected to recover.