God has admitted that he feels his biggest error has been ‘not leaving Lord Mandelson in charge’ during his summer holiday from managing the universe.
‘I did leave a note when I went on leave around a thousand years ago,’ the Almighty said in an interview. ‘But when I got back to my desk last Thursday I couldn’t believe what a bloody mess everybody had made of everything.’ The deity, who has now used about half of His leave entitlement, said he noticed that things were going particularly well in one corner of His universe, which has made Him think again about what He will do next time He goes on holiday. ‘I spent Friday catching up on what had been going on while I was away,’ He reported. ‘I looked down at the United Kingdom, and I saw that it was good. Turns out it’s because that Lord Mandelson has been in charge for a week, so I think I’ll leave the keys with him next time and make sure he checks on things now and again. Or if he’s busy then maybe I’ll get Harriet Harman to do it.’