Downing Street denies UK, US ‘are 3,500 miles apart’

Downing Street has “angrily denied” rumours that the United States and United Kingdom are 3,500 miles apart, insisting that Gordon Brown and President Obama have “never been closer”.

Aides close to the Prime Minister were responding to accusations that Mr Brown had to haul ass for several hours in order to get to a party being held by Mr Obama in New York, where he was pitiably snubbed by the host. “This is absolutely untrue,” a spokesman said. “Gordon had only popped round for ten minutes and he just didn’t have the time to talk to the President. He wouldn’t have wasted six hours flying over there just for that sort of humiliation, would he?”

The spokesman refused to be drawn on the geographical implausibility of the Prime Minister’s claim, insisting instead that Britain and America share a common border less than five minutes’ walk from the Prime Minister’s office in Downing Street. “You just go out there and turn left at the corner,” he told reporters, insisting that the United States is located just behind the local pub. “Gordon hasn’t got the time to fly halfway around the world just to be made to look a fool, you know. He can do that here without any of the fuss.”