Speech provided by Gordon Brown was ‘badly spelt and full of errors of judgement’, claims Queen

The Queen has slammed Gordon Brown’s ‘appalling’ choice of font for the Queen’s speech, claiming it was ‘almost illegible’ and contained ‘at least twenty errors of judgement.’

‘One could hardly believe one’s eyes,’ the Queen told reporters at a press conference after the conclusion of the State Opening of Parliament. ‘One should have known something was wrong when one spotted that the speech was type in Comic Sans, instead of the customary Tahoma. It all went downhill from there.’

The Queen’s litany of savage criticisms included the ‘disrespectful’ brevity of the speech, a catalogue of errors both of fact and judgement. ‘The Bills it contained were insincere, pointless rubbish, and the last few lines were just the words ‘bastard Tories’ over and over again,’ the Queen revealed, admitting that she had left that bit out of the broadcast version.

‘Even Mr Major could produce something serviceable at short notice but this Mr Brown appears to have made no effort at all,’ she complained. ‘He even got the name of my son wrong twice, spelling it “Cahrles”, but I’m not particularly bothered about that.’

Letter, Queen