Researchers find “three undiscovered letters” in Janet Street-Porter’s name

Janet Street-Porter has admitted she was ‘astounded’ when researchers revealed that she has three previously unknown letters in her name.

The new letter, provisionally called “tea” by linguistic scientists at Suffolk University, will revolutionise the way in which Street-Porter’s name is pronounced. ‘I always fought I was called Jani’ Stree’paw’a,’ the columnist and broadcaster said. ‘but it turns aht, when you say it right, it’s a bleedin’ posh dabbaw-barrawed name. I sound like snotty Lady Mack, oo noo?’

Dr Rose Marchant, who led the research, says her team is making revolutionary new discoveries all the time. ‘We’ve just been commissioned to do a study by the Royal Family,’ she said. ‘Our initial findings already suggest that Kate Middleton’s first name actually begins with ‘C’ and is much longer and poncier than previously thought.’