A man who is not a shyster is expected to win a fourth term as president of a bunch of shysters at their conference later today in Zurich.
The man’s main rival, who is a shyster, was eliminated from the race earlier this week after allegations of corruption surfaced, causing a stir among the other shysters. ‘It’s clearly not appropriate for this money-grubbing bunco artist to stand for president,’ said one shyster. ‘We’re here to accrue large amounts of personal wealth through the shady management of world football, not to get caught doing it.’
Delegates will be asked to choose a candidate from a list of one. ‘It feels somehow as though we’re being cheated,’ admitted one of the shysters, voting in his first presidential election. ‘I’ve never voted in an election where the outcome was already known before the voting started. But this is FIFA, so I’m sure I’ll get used to it before too long. Thanks for asking – that’ll be £500,000.’