Lemming rebels reopen debate over whether to walk directly over a cliff

A group of lemmings last night rebelled against their party leadership and voted to start walking unthinkingly towards a vertical cliff face.

Despite pleas from a number of senior lemmings, the number of rebellious lemmings grew to eighty. Foreign Secretary William Lemming said that such a rebellion could damage the lemmings’ chances of reaching a promising-looking gateway at the opposite end of the current parliament. He said: ‘We have finally dropped through the open trap door of government, and it would be a betrayal of our interests to just go hurling ourselves off this platform without any effort to dig or mine ourselves to safety.’

Green-haired rebel Jacob Rees-Lemming said: “Lemming sovereignty is under threat. Nobody has asked the ordinary lemming in the street whether he wants to go through that mysterious doorway just because the Italians and the French are yelling ‘Yippee’ all the time. For all we know it leads straight to Brussels. And besides, all this regulation is seriously damaging our mining, building, floating and bashing industries. Vox lemming, vox dei.

Prime minister David Lemming warned that a large rebellion could damage the government. Former leader of the lemmings Sir John Lemming was unceremoniously dumped off a cliff without an umbrella in the mid-1990s and was squashed to a pulp on the platform below, while his predecessor Margaret Lemming went completely nuclear over the issue, famously declaring “Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” before blowing herself up in 1990.

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