Panasonic launches new Eurozone crisis-ready TV sets

Electronics giant Panasonic has entered the Christmas sales war by launching its most advanced television set yet featuring new Eurozone crisis-ready technology.

The set features the biggest and highest-resolution screen yet seen on a TV set, and includes a fixed banner with the words “EUROZONE CRISIS” along the bottom of the screen, regardless of channel. ‘In 2012, consumers will want to feel more connected and in-touch than ever before,’ said Panasonic managing director Makoto Uenoyama. ‘The best way to do this is simply to remind them all the time how fucking dreadful the economic outlook is, so our new sets come with this depressing news ticker pre-installed and constantly visible even when you are watching Frozen Planet or Emmerdale.’

The new devices also include 3D technology and ultra-high resolution displays. ‘Now our viewers don’t just have to watch the European Union crumbling in to dust, they can actually see the individual drops of sweat on Sarkozy’s brow and the growing wrinkles of Angela Merkel’s turgid frown in vibrant detail,’ Uenoyama said. ‘They are 3D too, so that you actually feel that you are standing among the flags outside the European parliament as they are taken down one by one, starting with the Union Jack. It’s an experience like no other. Except maybe the World War One scenes in Downton Abbey.’