Nation enthralled as Kate does thing

The Duchess of Cambridge captivated the national media this morning as she travelled to a place and did a thing.

Wearing a stunning double crepe wool coat in sumptuous seasonal chestnut brown with gorgeous cuff straps and a waisted belt, Catherine visited Liverpool or somewhere and saw some children who were probably sick or something like that. The duchess, who turned 30 in January, arrived at the charity or hospital or thing to raise public awareness of whatever it is they do. She apparently talked to some people about stuff, smiling warmly throughout and shaking several people’s hands.

Catherine also visited some place that addicts go for support or whatever it is they need. Standing elegantly at the bar in her black suede, almond-toed Jimmy Choo’s with a five inch heel and a one inch platform, which she had accessorised with a black clutch, Asprey pendant and diamond bracelet and earrings, she also sampled an alcohol-free cocktail.

The duchess took a sip of the drink and said: ‘Amazing, well done.’ She also spent a period of time talking to a woman, and then some men, and then some more women.

Experts agreed that the visits, the Duchess’s first solo engagement since she married Prince William at Westminster Abbey in April last year wearing a stunning ivory and satin Alexander McQueen gown with lace detail and 9ft train accessorised with a 1936 Cartier tiara, were an unqualified success.

‘Kate has clearly matured into a very fine young celebrity, and her patronage will be of incalculable value to the struggling charities she has been chosen to support, such as News International, Associated Newspapers and Trinity Mirror plc,’ said one Royal watcher. ‘She has also publicly demonstrated an exceptional ability to say a minimum of three consecutive words, each as well-chosen and beautifully enunciated as the last. She is a real asset to the media – er, I mean the Royal Family.’