Topping dead celebrity rich list ‘not much consolation’, says Elizabeth Taylor’s ghost

The ghost of Elizabeth Taylor has hit out at Forbes magazine after it claimed she would be ‘delighted’ to top the list of the world’s highest earning dead celebrities.

Taylor, who died in 2011 aged 79, pulled in $210m (£130m), much of it from the auction of her jewellery, which saw her overtake deceased musician Michael Jackson’s earnings of $145m (£90m), reported Forbes. ‘What an achievement,’ said the magazine’s chief editor Steve Forbes. ‘Yes, she died of congestive heart failure in March 2011, but we’re sure she’d be delighted to learn that by flogging off all her jewellery and clothes, her estate have managed to rake in all this cash. What could be better than millions of dollars? Lovely jubbly.’

However in a rare interview, Taylor’s shadowy grey spectre angrily rejected the magazine’s claim. ‘Why, what a crock of shit, darling,’ the phantom insisted. ‘Two years ago I was propped up in bed in Bel Air dripping with diamonds and trying to decide who my eighth husband would be,’ she said. ‘And now look at me. I’m feebler than Bill Roache’s alibi and there ain’t an eligible bachelor this side of Santa Barbara who’ll even look twice at me. Who needs two hundred million dollars when I’m having to wait for Bill Clinton or Harry Styles to die before I can reasonably expect to attract male attention again, darling?’