Council removes Lib Dem politician from Tory foster couple

Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was today taken into care by Westminster City Council on the grounds that his foster parents, a Mr and Mrs Cameron, belong to a political party with ‘a warped view of the world’. ‘We take our safeguarding responsibilities for Liberal Democrats very seriously,’ said Shaun McNally, Director of Social Services…

Ed Balls denies involvement in slow motion car crash

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls has strenuously denied any responsibility for a slow motion car crash taking place in Westminster. Mr Balls was summonsed by Labour Party authorities to explain why he did not report the accident, which began when passenger Ed Miliband seized the wheel from his brother David in 2010, causing the vehicle to…

One Direction fans urged to ‘try and look upset’ when band splits

Fans of pubescent boyband One Direction have been urged to ‘try and look upset’ when the band inevitably splits in the next twelve to eighteen months. The band are now ‘highly unlikely’ to manage another year without some enormous teenage strop spilling over into an outright split dressed up as ‘musical differences’, say industry analysts.…